dimension b - online!

Monday March 28, 2005: 10:24PM

Well, it finally happened: download.com finally approved my Benjamin Bear tracks. Of course, they've been on Soundclick for a while now, but I'll have a better chance of charting at a respectable position on download.com, as there's no streaming, so people actually have to download things. There's also a lot less crap on download.com, Soundclick is full of people reusing beats or even posting illegal mp3s up there.

It was a bad week for Redcat, falling all the way down to #103 on the Industrial charts. I've actually been kicking around a new musical idea, more folk-oriented in nature, but still infused with elements of hip-hop, ambient, rock, and fusion. I kind of want to throw a little bluegrass in there as well. Why? Well, I write better on guitar, so I want to take the folk sound of my guitar compositions and spruce them up with the dynamics of my keyboard compositions. I also want to get some use out of this banjo I've had lying around for years. The other reason is a more philosophical one: I'm just not mad anymore. It's why I can't really listen to metal these days, I'm just not as pissed off as I used to be. I want to have fun, get drunk. I don't want to whine about how the world is such a crappy place. I can't do that without changing my music style, otherwise I'd sound like some horrible pop singer. I couldn't do that either...I'm not that happy. ^_^

Spring is here again....(Tender age in bloom)...time to begin the planting! Of course, what you plant is entirely up to you. I'm definitely going to grow less tomatoes this year, leaving room for other varieties of plants. Sow now to reap a big harvest in autumn! And if you live in California, I don't want to hear about it. At least the Midwest actually has four seasons.

I couldn't go without giving you something to do, so....

If you smoke weed, or just like weed-related items (and if so, why?), you can browse until your cherry falls off at Yahooka. Sure, it might get old, but they do have a large list of bong-friendly internet radio sites.

And if you really, really hate weed, like if you're a politician, church marm, or some poor fat dork who got sold a bag of oregano, you can see what the National Institute on Drug Abuse has to say about it. Or, if you're undecided, you can check out the same site I look at when I want to find out about a drug: erowid.org. This site is so in depth, it even has the MSDS for THC. (For those of you who have never worked in a factory or around industrial cleaning products, MSDS stands for "Material Safety Data Sheet," and lists all the chemical properties for a specific substance.)

Ok, enough about weed. Those of you who know me know my stand on organized religion, and I find Landover Baptist hilarious. Some of you may not, but think of it this way: if we were created in God's image, he must have a sense of humor. Since he's a celebrity, he has to accept parodies. The strange thing is, no one ever directly parodies him, they always parody churches or religious organizations. Which means I'm probably going to hell for those "Ripped Jesus" cartoons I drew in high school.

Also, those who know me know that I enjoy drinking 40s. The forty ounce malt liquor came about as a result of two things: post-Prohibition restrictions an the alcohol content of beer (hence the renaming to "malt liquor"), and consumers wanting to get fucked up for less money. There really isn't anything to compare to a forty buzz, for me it's one of the perfect altered states. Those of you used to your local gas station or liquor stores carrying the standard Mickey's, Schlitz, and Olde English, however, might be surprised to know just how many varieties of 40s actually exist. One site to find out about the "poor man's cognac" is 40ozmaltliquor.com, which has reviews of over 400 different 40s, including the 22 proof Axe Head, the strongest 40 in the world, as well as some rarities, like a milk-carton style Falstaff 40. By the way, the record for the most alcoholic beer goes to the Samuel Adams Brewing Company, for brewing a 50 proof beer that is non-carbonated and should be served at room temperature. It also cost $100 a bottle, and you won't find it anywhere except eBay. Personally, I stick to two varieties of 40s: Olde English 800 and Schlitz Red Bull. I like my beer simple and easily consumable with steak.

While Googling around for no good reason, I stumbled onto the homepage of Harem, some chick group from Mars Base Alpha Four. I really don't know what the hell is going on here, except for a lot of girl power and nerds. A couple of them are kind of cute...

Finally, an internet classic: the Official Ninja Webpage. This site tells you everything you need to know about becoming a ninja. A REAL NINJA. Oh yeah.

Tuesday March 22, 2005: 10:46PM

Fuckin' Tuesday. Normally, I'd go into a rant about how Tuesday sucks ass, but I have other things to say. But in honor of Tuesday, today I bring you some of the more horrible music I've discovered. Now some of you might say, "Oh yeah? Well your music sucks ass! You should be on a crappy music list!" And that's fine. You'll still hear about me.

Ok kiddies, today's category is rap. Number one on the hit list is white boy Jailem, who currently is working on seven albums at the same time. SEVEN ALBUMS. He also has a link to his Runescape clan's web page, the Runite Knights. His screen name is "Sparklngem," if y'all wanna get in on that action. For the same experience I got, download "I'm so Sick." If he only knew...

Next on our list, a rap group named NINJA. Yes, I have to write it in capital letters. That's the way it is. NINJA is composed of Fiber T. Bear, a teddy bear (Benjamin might have a problem with that), Hard Water on bass and vocals, John Weston producing AND rapping, and NINJA Gaydo on vocals. You can't tell any of them apart. It sounds more like some high school kid got a copy of Creative Wave Studio and a Radio Shack microphone. Maybe that's just me. They do have some "great" songs, like the bangin' track "Still an Oxford Thang," the anthemic "Pork Sword," and the genre-defying "Windows ME." [Sarcasm added--Ed.] They also do a cover of the Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch." And by cover, I mean playing the CD while singing along.

Thirstly, and I use bad grammar intentionally, is the Southern rapper Rustic MC. Now, you might be thinking, "Bubba Sparxxx." No. Bubba looks like Tupac next to this guy. This sounds more like Jeff Foxworthy doing a bad joke. Not that he does good jokes, mind you, but like a horrible Saturday Night Live skit. Wait, nevermind. He admits it's supposed to be funny, at least. So he's not being serious. Check out "That's the Way I Do It." That's really all I can say.

All right, who's next? Why, it's Ashtrey an the Twinkie Man! It sounds like a kid's show, doesn't it? They really don't deserve a lot of space here...

So, it's onto our next pick of the ol' ass, Toxic Flows. Oh, I'm sorry, Toxic Flowz, with a "z." This guy raps like he's sucking on a doorknob.

And to prove music on the internet isn't all bad, I present White Owl Bundy. This guy is actually very talented. Maybe it was all the crap I heard before, but hey, he still gets my stamp of approval. For whatever that's worth.

Well, see you cats later. I'll have more for you next Tuesday, when I explore the dark side of: Internet Country! As in country music. Oh yes, it'll be fierce.

One last thing: Rockstar (the energy drink company, not the software company) has introduced a 24 oz. energy drink. Yes, twenty four ounces. The can is freaking huge, and it should be under three bucks. Finally, a big enough can to mix with vodka! Wheeee!

Monday March 21, 2005: 2:54PM

Wow...I'm slipping this week. Redcat is currently #66 on download.com's Industrial-Electronic charts, and Benjamin Bear debuted at #1536 on Soundclick's Alternative Hip-hop charts. Hooray!

Sometimes I tell people I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, and they're all like, "what's that all about?"

Well, meet Tom Smith. Tom lives by himself, considers himself to be religious, and is probably very gullible. At this moment, Tom is part of "the world," the uninitiated members of "Satan's system of things." All that is about to change.

One day, Tom gets a visit by Brother Jones and Sister Chang, two practicing Witnesses. They explain that the world is coming to an end, and show Tom in his own Bible that this is so. Tom is hooked. After chatting for a while, Tom agrees to allow them to come back later for more Biblical discussion.

As they leave, Brother Jones is marking "RC" next to Tom's name and address. This marks him as a "return call," and means that someone will be back.

That Sunday at church, Tom asks his clergymen to explain to him what the Witnesses meant. He probably gets explained that they're just a cult, and not to pay any attention to them. The Witnesses argument is so convincing, however, that he can't help but thinking about it.

Time passes, and Brother Jones keeps on visiting Tom. Eventually, he becomes a "Bible Study," someone who is interested in the religion, but doesn't attend the "meetings." After a few weeks, Tom is invited to the "Kingdom Hall," what Jehovah's Witnesses call their church.

There are three meetings held a week: A book study on Monday or Tuesday that lasts about one hour, "Theocratic Ministry School" on Thursday, where members of the church give five minute speeches on a specific book of the Bible for one hour, then that book is studied for another hour, and a traditional sermon on Sunday, followed by a study of the Watchtower, their biweekly magazine.

Tom is probably amazed by how friendly and full of faith the other Witnesses are, and he begins attending regularly. He gives up his old life, and begins following "the truth," which is what the Witnesses call their religion. He is now known as an "unbaptized Publisher." This means that he has been welcomed into the fold, but he is not yet a true member.

He cannot be baptized until he talks with the "Elders," the ministers of the church, and they agree to allow him to be baptized. All baptisms are performed at "Circuit Assemblies," which is like church, except it lasts eight hours a day for three days, and is usually held in arenas or special "Assembly Halls." He gets baptized, and is now a full-fledged member of the congregation.

Tom learns that the "last days" began in 1914. That at Armageddon, all the wicked will die, and only Jehovah's Witnesses will be left, and the Earth will become a paradise. That 144,000 humans will be called up to serve in heaven with Jehovah and Jesus. That all other religions are wrong. That everyone who isn't a Jehovah's Witness will die, but everyone who died before Armageddon will be resurrected and given a second chance to become a Jehovah's Witness. He gets a copy of "the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures," the Witness version of the Bible. It reads a little better than the King James version, at least.

Tom becomes a fanatic, and it isn't long before he becomes a "full-time pioneer," someone who devotes 100 hours a month (or more) to going door-to-door spreading "the truth." That's 25 hours a week. Minimum. Anyway, skipping ahead....

Eventually, Tom becomes an elder, leading his organization. Then, a circuit overseer. A district overseer. Maybe he goes to Bethel, the headquarters of the Watchtower and Bible Tract Society. He does this for many years, until he dies one day, having devoted his whole life to this.

That's basically a condensed version. For both sides of the story, visit towerwatch.com and watchtower.org. My personal belief is that all organized religions are misleading, and they get the person to follow the church and not God. If you really have an urge to be religious, get a Bible and read it. Figure it out yourself. If you believe in it enough, you'll figure something out. If you don't, then you're not missing anything.

Sunday March 20, 2005: 12:21AM

Last week kinda sucked...I was denied the job I was so sure I was going to get. Screw it, I guess I'll keep looking. Bush says the job market is fine...I say he should be out looking for a job. Like the Kids in the Hall said: "The only thing worse than having a job is looking for one."

I'm going to Bonnaroo this year, which I'm really excited about. I'm not much into the whole Neo-Hippy movement, but it seems like it'll be a good show. Plus, there's camping, a Brewer's Festival, and you can bring beer (always a plus). If any of you forward-thinking hippies are thinking of getting tickets, you better hurry. The price seems a little steep at 172.50, but Elton John tickets were the same price, and that was just for two hours of Elton John! This is like three days of music. Like Woodstock, but without the metal bands and rioting. You really shouldn't be at a metal concert for three days. (Note: that only refers to Woodstock '99.) So, let's put on some crunchy jams, take a chilli break, and then go phrolfing, dude...

I couldn't leave a post without advertising some sort of music, and this post's pick is new age composer Oystein Sevag. He's a little more ambient than most new age artists, but he still conveys a sense of classical music. It's pretty neat.

When you talk about new age music, there are really three kinds: the ambient-style "noise" new age, the fruity Yanni-style new age, and the classical-style new age. I suppose there's the Enya-style Celtic new age and the Native American new age, but I think that qualifies as "world music." I don't know, I'm not a professional music categorizer. That'd be a sweet job, eh?

In Psy-fi Records news, I uploaded the Benjamin Bear tracks to Soundclick.com. I got tired of waiting for download.com to approve my submission. So, if'n you got the urge, you can go there and check it out. There's a new track there called "F*ck Sh*t (up)," that I think all you Bear-asses (that's what I'm calling you) will enjoy. I admittedly reused an old chorus, but in reality, who cares?

In parting, I'd like to observe a moment of silence for the classic TRS-80 games Downland and Dungeons of Daggorath. Both provided hours of fun back in the early 90s. Yeah, I didn't get an NES until about 1993. I'm always behind in the video game scene...I just don't like spending that much money on the new games. They're just as fun when you buy them later for twenty bucks, as long as you don't have some geeky friend spoiling it for you. You know what I'm talking about.

By the way...River Raid for the 2600 was pretty sweet, too. It was designed by the industry's first female designer, Carol Shaw. Yep, sure was.

Sunday March 13, 2005: 7:54PM

Of all the crazy songs to get stuck in your head...I've got "Manah Manah" from the Muppet Show floating around in my dome. It would actually make a good rap song background. I should try that, maybe. "Doot-doo-doo-doo...Manah manah..." You younger folks probably remember it as the song from the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper commercial. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper sucks, by the way...it tastes like neither Cherry nor Vanilla. Course, it could have just been the one I had.

Sunday March 13, 2005: 12:41PM

Well, the results are in for this week's charts: Redcat is currently #23 on the Industrial-Electronic charts at download.com. I actually had less downloads last week than the week before, but I guess everyone else did, too. There's more competition on the Alternative Rap charts, as everyone has higher download counts in that genre. Benjamin Bear will have to pull in about 1300 downloads a week to take the top spot in that genre, and ten times that to knock Snoop Dogg off the top of the Hip-Hop chart. It probably ain't gonna happen.

Just as a note of interest, the #1 artist in all genres is Moscow's Antimateria, an electronica outfit that is actually pretty good, as demonstrated in their impressive 33,000 downloads per week. They sound a little like Panjabi MC. Note that I said a little like them.

Now for a little commercialism: If you're a fan of black cherry soft drinks (I know I am), do yourself a favor: find an Aldi's, and pick up a case of Sweet Valley Black Cherry. It's cheap, and it's the best cherry flavored beverage out there. It's also good with Smirnoff Vanilla Twist. Disclaimer: Must be 21 to legally enjoy alcoholic beverages. Of course, you could always pay someone who is 21 to go out and buy some for you, but be smart and stay home. Don't take it to school in a Sprite bottle. I've seen it happen, and trust me, it doesn't work out for you.

Saturday March 12, 2005: 1:41PM

Just a side note to tell everyone that you can finally download Benjamin Bear tracks at download.com! Well, not quite this minute because it's being reviewed for content, but definitely by the end of the week! At the moment only two tracks have been uploaded, "Butt Like That" and "High Five," but I may upload more depending on the demand for them.

I was also reading Catmuzik's review of "Oblivion," and I can't help but wonder if he was drunk when he wrote it. You can read it on the reviews page in its complete and unedited format. While I greatly appreciate the five star review, I had a little trouble trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

Let's see, what else...Oh! My sister decided to ask me for help with her Poetry homework, and as a result, I was introduced to two great poets: Ted Kooser and Olena Davis. Apparently Ted Kooser is the current poet laureate...shows you how much I know. Both of them are worth checking out if you in any way enjoy poetry.

One last thing to end this entry...Machine Drum and Nintendude. Both of these guys are way out there. Machine Drum sounds like someone shattered a bunch of records and put them back together, while Nintendude makes original music with his NES (I swear to God). Either one would sound good slipped into a party. Back in the day, when I partied, we had the computer hooked up to the stereo, slapped with high-speed, so if anyone wanted to hear something, they just downloaded it and stuck it onto the playlist. The only rule was they had to put their song at the end of the playlist. It made for some interesting music. Just a thought for your next get-together. Oh, and I just found a rapper from Mongolia, named Tyke. I haven't listened to it yet, but I just thought a rapper from Mongolia was worth mentioning. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Preach!

Saturday March 12, 2005: 6:50AM

I'm usually not up this early, but my daughter was up until five in the morning clucking like a chicken. I'm dead serious. Try to sleep when your nineteen-month old is in her room screaming, "BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!" at the top of her lungs. I'd have been pissed if it weren't so damn funny.

By the way, I fixed the bug that was making my e-mail link screw up. It's all good now. I also updated the site, and then realized that I forgot to put the links page back! Whoops. Oh well, it's still up here. I'll get it fixed eventually.

In music news, I found out about this band of fifteen-year olds called the Hysterics. At first glance, I thought...Hanson. However, they're way more likable, and they actually make good music. I'm sure they'll be all over MTV soon (the lucky bastards), so check them out before some label makes them into the next Hanson. They make me wish I had better production values. Or at least better equipment. I guess Music for Robots does have some good opinions.

Actually, I've heard a number of great artists lately that I haven't heard before, like A Produce, Snake River Conspiracy, and Born into Oblivion. I'm sure one of those names might be familiar to some, but hey, I've been out of the loop for a while. I don't have time to be a huge music snob.

I was wondering what the world would be like if they have named that James Bond movie, "To Prussia with Love." I don't think it would have had the same impact. After all, the US wouldn't have fucked around with a country like Prussia. Especially since it didn't exist when the movie was made. Hey, give me a break, I'm running out of things to say. I guess I'll shut up for now.

Friday March 11, 2005: 5:00PM

Minor news: I moved my music on download.com from Psychedelic Pop to Industrial-Electronic, so I'm now #27 out of about 270 instead of #10 out of 32. I made the change because I realized I don't sound anything like Donovan or It's a Beautiful Day. I do, however, sound something like Nine Inch Nails, so the genre change seemed appropriate. I'm still working on getting the Benjamin Bear and Indicashadow tracks uploaded, so be patient, and good things will happen.

Site news: dimension b will be undergoing some changes to make this a Psy-fi Records website, rather than a website exclusively for some geek. Of course, it will still be that, but not as personal.